Qualifications
Certified Labor Doula through Childbirth International.
Background
In 2002, I had my first child. For the full stories, you can click on the links below. It was an induction at 37.5 weeks for suspected PUPPPS rash which didn't warrant my child being born at that time. I wasn't given much information to make an informed decision, I just trusted that my provider knew best. Although, it was a vaginal birth, it was not what I had wanted and I felt like there should have been more. I also had some complications which left me questioning myself and my ability to birth safely.
16 months later I gave birth to my second child. It was an awful experience, equated to a living nightmare. I ended up with a c-section for failure to progress at 3/4 cm dilated. I wasn't even in active labor, my water was not broken. There was never distress. I was cut simply because it was evening and the OB did not want to come back. I should have went home. This experience left me physically and emotionally damaged, depressed for years and my relationship with my baby suffered, along with the rest of my family. I buried it, hoping I would never have to face it again and no one really understood; I had a healthy baby after all, right? My dream of a big family was gone. It was 6 years before I started to dream again.
We had a hard time getting pregnant with our third child. When it finally happened, it seemed like it was the worst possible time. I had just been laid off from my job and Medicaid was not accepted at the local hospital for VBAC. My pregnancy was uneventful but the fight for VBAC was exhausting and stressful. 3 different groups and not one was truly supportive of VBAC. In hindsight, you can sometimes see God's wonderful timing! I don't think I could have worked and dealt with the stress that accompanied this pregnancy. It also allowed me to stay home with my baby and start on this journey. At 38 weeks we decided on a home birth after getting into it with a MW at the third practice. Although we found a wonderful MW to attend us at home, when the time came we decided to go unassisted. My baby was born at home, in water, caught by his daddy. This is how birth is suppose to be! Glorious and emotionally fulfilling; empowering! This birth healed some of me. It also brought up all the hurt and what I had lost with my earlier children and I had to work through it to move forward, but that was healing as well. It needed to happen.
Today, I am thankful for my c-section. That is a very hard thing to say! Without it, I would have never found this work, my calling. I wouldn't be able to help others through ICAN. They helped me so much on my journey to VBAC. I would have never experienced a truly wonderful birth with my third. I would have never discovered God's purpose for my life and in the pain we experience through childbirth. It helped me draw closer to Him. When you can rise above that, you can move mountains. And when your husband is part of that intimate experience, just like he was at the conception, you can move mountains together. I could argue that my second child payed the price for this revelation, but I have to let that go and move forward. That experience was not my choice and was out of my control. I can go back and try to relive it and change it but the end is still the same. I have chosen to find purpose in it rather than pain.
These experiences have shaped who I am and what my Birth Philosophy is and, I think, give me a unique understanding of many different types of birth experiences and emotions. Just like I had to find my own path, so does each individual mother. Hopefully I can respectfully guide my clients to an empowering birth experience that they deserve and desire. The experience does matter just as much as the health of both baby and mother.
16 months later I gave birth to my second child. It was an awful experience, equated to a living nightmare. I ended up with a c-section for failure to progress at 3/4 cm dilated. I wasn't even in active labor, my water was not broken. There was never distress. I was cut simply because it was evening and the OB did not want to come back. I should have went home. This experience left me physically and emotionally damaged, depressed for years and my relationship with my baby suffered, along with the rest of my family. I buried it, hoping I would never have to face it again and no one really understood; I had a healthy baby after all, right? My dream of a big family was gone. It was 6 years before I started to dream again.
We had a hard time getting pregnant with our third child. When it finally happened, it seemed like it was the worst possible time. I had just been laid off from my job and Medicaid was not accepted at the local hospital for VBAC. My pregnancy was uneventful but the fight for VBAC was exhausting and stressful. 3 different groups and not one was truly supportive of VBAC. In hindsight, you can sometimes see God's wonderful timing! I don't think I could have worked and dealt with the stress that accompanied this pregnancy. It also allowed me to stay home with my baby and start on this journey. At 38 weeks we decided on a home birth after getting into it with a MW at the third practice. Although we found a wonderful MW to attend us at home, when the time came we decided to go unassisted. My baby was born at home, in water, caught by his daddy. This is how birth is suppose to be! Glorious and emotionally fulfilling; empowering! This birth healed some of me. It also brought up all the hurt and what I had lost with my earlier children and I had to work through it to move forward, but that was healing as well. It needed to happen.
Today, I am thankful for my c-section. That is a very hard thing to say! Without it, I would have never found this work, my calling. I wouldn't be able to help others through ICAN. They helped me so much on my journey to VBAC. I would have never experienced a truly wonderful birth with my third. I would have never discovered God's purpose for my life and in the pain we experience through childbirth. It helped me draw closer to Him. When you can rise above that, you can move mountains. And when your husband is part of that intimate experience, just like he was at the conception, you can move mountains together. I could argue that my second child payed the price for this revelation, but I have to let that go and move forward. That experience was not my choice and was out of my control. I can go back and try to relive it and change it but the end is still the same. I have chosen to find purpose in it rather than pain.
These experiences have shaped who I am and what my Birth Philosophy is and, I think, give me a unique understanding of many different types of birth experiences and emotions. Just like I had to find my own path, so does each individual mother. Hopefully I can respectfully guide my clients to an empowering birth experience that they deserve and desire. The experience does matter just as much as the health of both baby and mother.